Minutes from SSSP

Ranger Dan received the following document from the president of the Friends of Silent Spring Park. The Ranger asked that we print it in its entirety and without any editorial comment so that the membership of the Friends of Lynn Woods can formulate their own opinions on this issue.

(originally published in July 2004 newsletter)

This is a spoof, written by Ranger Dan Small.

Friends of Silent Spring Park
Minutes of the Board of Directors Meeting

April 2004

Mission Statement

The Friends of Silent Spring Park are unified in the desire to safeguard our right to pursue the recreational enjoyment of the park without the burden of unnecessary rules and regulations. We are dedicated to protecting the public's right to use public land as they see fit and to preserve this right for all time.

Announcements:

Fishing derby scandal: Eight year old Jimmy Brown, the only angler who caught anything at this years fishing derby, may be disqualified because the fish he reported catching was seen floating in the lake with head stuck in a styrofoam Dippin' Donuts coffee cup. This was probably the sunfish many park users reported seeing over the last couple of months. Since no other fish sightings have been reported next seasons fishing derby will be canceled. It was suggested that we hold a fishing line snarl contest instead. Prizes could be given for the biggest or most creative fishing line snarl in each of the age brackets. Extra points could be awarded for successfully entangling waterfowl.

Committee Reports:

The Environmental Protection Committee has called an end to the popular squirrel walk after the squirrel was found dead. Apparently "Rocky" had choked to death trying to eat a paintball that he had mistaken for an acorn. Park officials report that this was the last animal living within the park. It was suggested that rats be reintroduced to the park since they can live quite nicely on paintballs. The Committee announced that it is going to shift its focus to saving the Brazilian Rainforests rather than working on the potentially unpopular local environmental issues of illegal yard waste dumping and encroachment by parkland abutters.

The Mountain Bike Club is happy to announce that there will no longer be a winter mud closure in the park. The natural process of erosion has finished washing the last of the soil into the Crystal Lake Reservoir eliminating the need to close the park to bikes during mud season. The club has also ended all trail maintenance days since off-trail riding has created a "unified trail system". Off-trail riding and the natural process of erosion have turned the park into a "rock playground" which eliminates the need for trail building and maintenance since the entire park is now a trail.

The Youth Programs Committee has submitted a complaint about the bike stunt builders. Stunt builders have used the last of the park's trees to create a new ladder bridge for the benefit of all park users. The youth program committee was planning on using the trees for a bonfire at their annual Silent Spring Park Youth Beer Fest. Committee chairman Ralph Thomas has threatened to have members stop smashing bottles in
retaliation. Youth members have volunteered over the past two years to help the mountain bikers by spreading broken glass on all of the rocks in the park. It is hoped that the glass will help riders maintain traction on slippery paintball soaked rock surfaces.

The Beautification Committee reports that efforts to graffiti all of the rocks in the park are going well. They have requested that ATV riders, mountain bikers, fishermen and other outdoor enthusiasts who want to help with the project use the names and logos of the companies that manufacture their gear. This will help beautify the park while simultaneously improving the public's image of their activities.

Other Business:

We received a letter from the water treatment plant stating that the continued unrestricted recreational use of the park is endangering the water supply. Turbidity and bacterial levels have almost reached the point in Crystal Lake where the water can no longer be purified. Water officials blame this on erosion and the failure of pet owners to clean up their pets' waste. This is just another case of government officials wanting to limit how you enjoy the outdoors. We all know that this is an engineering problem that has nothing to do with recreation. The reservoir should not have been built in the valley. If it were located on top of the ridge, surface water would carry silt and bacteria away from the water instead of directly into the lake.

Boston University has not yet completed its study into why there is no longer any plant or animal life in Silent Spring Park. Their preliminary results suggest misuse and abuse by park users as the main cause. We all know that this is simply a case of tree-hugger eco-paranoia. It is the opinion of this Board that environmentally unfriendly practices by the animals in the park caused the demise of all life forms. The irresponsible animals increased their populations to a point where there weren't enough plants to feed them all. They ate all of the plants then ate each other resulting in the current lifeless condition of the park.

A Letter from your President:

I recently visited the nearby Lynn Woods Reservation in Lynn Massachusetts. I have to say I was struck by the natural beauty of the place. There were wildflowers and trees, birds and butterflies. It was wonderful. I doubt the people in Lynn realize just how lucky they are to have responsible animals in their park.

The recreational potential of the Lynn Woods is incredible. We just need to find some way to eliminate some of the excessive rules and regulations. I saw a copy of these posted on the bulletin board in the parking lot but I didn't bother to read them because it would have taken too long. I would like to propose that we contact the Friends of Lynn Woods and try to get them to work with us to correct this problem. I will forward a copy of these minutes to them so that they can see all of the good work we have been doing at Silent Spring. I am certain that they would welcome the opportunity to relieve the burden of anti-recreation regulations and begin enjoying their park as they see fit.

I know first hand how unreasonable Lynn's anti-recreation regulations can be. Last week I had an unpleasant encounter with the Lynn Woods Ranger. I was standing on the bank of the reservoir drinking beer and throwing the empty cans into the water for my dog Sparky to swim after. I had to answer the call of nature and wouldn't you know it the Ranger comes along at just the wrong time. I told him I didn't know the rules because I was from Maine. That usually works but he told me to gather my things and leave the park. I thought this was kind of harsh, it's my dog and if I don't mind him swimming in water I just peed in then why is it any business of the Ranger's? I am planning on going back to Lynn next weekend with my paintball gun and some spray paint. If I encounter the Ranger again I'll just tell him I'm from Ireland, that should work.

Sincerely:

James Watt, FSSP President

Write us at flw@flw.org and tell us what you think!

See Also

Articles

Bringing Home the Woods by Jack Walsh

Change and the Woods

Divinity and the Woods

Holiday Greeting

Lions and Pirates and Caterpillars, oh my!

Lynn Woods Reflections

Old Names in Lynn Woods

Stay Tuned: Arbor Day

Stay Tuned: Dungeon Rock

Stay Tuned: Houghton Horticultural Societ

Stay Tuned: Odd Fellows Hall

The end of an error!

The Vernal Pools of Lynn Woods

What Exactly is a Weetamoo?

Where Did It Come From?

Contact the Hot Line at 781-593-7773 with any comments or questions.